Future events are uncertain, and it is this uncertainty and unpredictability that leads to a lot of distress. Fear of uncertainty is related to fear of losing control. When we feel like we are not able to control the outcome of future events, we anticipate disaster. This can be very anxiety-provoking, especially for those who find any uncertainty intolerable. They start to worry excessively and try to take control of the situation by doing anything they can to get away or avoid the unknown. This will lead to even more anxiety and exhaustion.
This fear is rooted in children’s early anxieties and their need for safety, which forms at the very beginning of life and continues into adulthood. These primitive anxieties are linked to infantile hunger and fear of dying, combined with anxiet...
For some people, difficult feelings of anger, resentment and hatred are hard to bear. It is perhaps easier to turn anger inward and punish ourselves rather than punish the ones who are close to us. The ensuing guilt plays a major role in those with a longing for self-punishment. The moment a child begins to grasp the idea of guilt; he also begins to understand the concept of how punishment is followed by forgiveness. It becomes clear to him that there is a connection between guilt, self-punishment and forgiveness. Self-punishment is born in the hope for forgiveness and a longing for love.
In families where there is emotional neglect, the carers have lack of emotional awareness, or find it difficult to provide enough care and attention for their child. Some carers are not able to see...
Addiction includes engaging in any behaviour that becomes compulsive and interferes with the individual’s responsibilities such as work, relationships, health and etc. Addiction can be to drugs and alcohol or sex, gambling, shopping or etc.
People with addictive behaviours feel the need to take action in order to deal with some difficult underlying feelings. These feelings can be often unconscious and individuals may find it hard to pinpoint why they engage in some addictive behaviour. Addiction is a defence mechanism protecting the individual against difficult feelings of helplessness, being out of control, low self-esteem, anxiety and etc. Addiction gives the person the illusion of having control over their feelings of uselessness and powerlessness. It gives the temporary feelings...
The false self is a pseudo self that is created in childhood in families where children feel insecure and unsafe in their close relationships. Children create this false self to protect themselves against anxiety associated with loss, rejection and not being accepted. In these families children feel like they are unable to be themselves and that they need to comply with their families' needs and demands. In doing this, they learn to create this false self in order to belong and be loved. As these children do not feel safe being open about what is really going on within them, they learn to hide how they really feel. They are unconsciously afraid of hurting the ones around them and also getting hurt. Unfortunately, this false self carries on through adulthood and becomes a part of th...
Babies, for their survival, need close bonds and attachments to their caregivers. They need to be able to rely on them for safety, food and care. To form a secure self in their adulthood, children need to be able to trust and have confidence in their parents to be always there and reliable for them, however, if, for any reason, the caregiver is not able to provide that care and safety, that secure bond will not be formed between the child and the carer. The reasons for this insecure bond or attachment vary, from the absence (physically or emotionally) of one or both of the parents to emotional neglect or abuse. This will result in the adult's vulnerability in the future, having difficulties in forming or maintaining secure relationships as a grown up, as these present relationships...
Self-esteem refers to how we feel about different aspects of ourselves. Our personality consists of two selves: our real/true self and our ideal self. Our ideal self/false self’ is who we should be according to what our parents, society and environment want us to be. Our true self, however, is who we really are, including our strong and weak points. Self-esteem comes from being able to have a realistic view of ourselves and identify our strong and weak points, being proud of the former, while accepting the latter. When you have low self-esteem, you may:
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Feel worthless
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Dislike or hate yourself
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Judge yourself harshly
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Be unable to recognize your strong points
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Blame yourself for anything
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Find it hard to assert yourself and say no
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Feel like no one likes...
Do you find it difficult to start a relationship? Do you always find yourself in the wrong relationships? Are you unable to maintain a good relationship?
As human beings, we crave intimacy but some of us find it hard to achieve the right of level of closeness, so we either avoid relationships completely or struggle to maintain those we form. A good relationship can be a very fulfilling, integral element of life; however, to form such a relationship, we need to place our trust in someone else. The ability to trust, to let down your guard, is a fundamental experience, and crucial for happiness.
If mistrust is a dominant element in your life, then you will probably find it hard to form healthy relationships. This often results in anxiety and self-doubt, and negative emotions such as ang...
What is classed as perfectionism? Perhaps we all have a desire within us to succeed and thrive in what we enjoy doing. We can all have high ambitions and look for a drive to pursue our goals, but this is different from perfectionism. You may think the desire to succeed includes perfectionism, and that may well be true, but perfectionism goes even further and demands you to be the best, to be perfect. This can bring a huge amount of anxiety because you expect yourself to be perfect; otherwise you may blame yourself for being a failure. You may push yourself to make no mistakes and, if you do, you may become filled with self-blame and self-hatred.
For a perfectionist, being good enough is never enough. It may get to a point where she/he may never even be satisfied with a job well don...
Human beings are usually able to regulate their level of distress and return to a state of equilibrium after facing a stressful event. However, if we face an extremely stressful event that leaves us feeling helpless and out of control, and we find it very difficult to get back to a normal state, then we may have experienced trauma. In this case, the intensity of the stressful situation deregulates our nervous system, causing long-term physical and emotional damage.
When we speak about trauma, we usually associate the word with war, accidents, serious physical illnesses, death and abuse, all of which can lead to post-traumatic stress disorder. However, a traumatic experience can be much subtler than these major events and can be caused by seemingly unimportant events in infancy and c...
Do you feel like your life is run by how guilty you feel every day? Do you feel like everything you do or think is governed by feelings of guilt? Do you feel constantly guilty because you think that you've either done something wrong or said something wrong?
We as human beings do usually make mistakes and therefore may feel guilty for our mistakes and at the thought of harming others. Therefore, a right amount of guilt is even necessary in our lives. It encourages us to want to stick to our values and, if we do something wrong, we look for a way to repair our wrongdoing. For example, we may admit to someone that we've done something wrong and take the responsibility for our action. This will subsequently lead to self-forgiveness. This will basically free you from the heavy feeling...
